Watching the TechCrunch live blog of the WWDC keynote cracked me up to no end, so I've decided to do a retroactive live blog of TechCrunch's live blog. Our hosts are Greg Kumpara providing the words and jason and MG contributing a few comments and pics. Here we go!

Dude in the front of the line says he's been there since midnight. You know how cold it was in SF last night? That's dedication.
by Greg Kumparak at 11:04 AM yesterday

Like 55? Did he have to put on a long sleeve t-shirt to make it through the night?

Hot off the presses from Arnold Kim (MacRumors): "some last minute rumors for iphone os4: printing, landscape homescreen, ibooks subscriptions" twitter.com by MG at 12:35 PM yesterday

And that's a huge 0 for 3. He didn't hit any on any of these.

We've seen lots of good faces here today. Ev Williams of twitter, a number of Pixar execs, and a bunch of top-selling-app developers.
by Greg Kumparak at 12:44 PM yesterday

For an example of a bad face turn on the NBA Finals in HD and wait until they do a closeup of Pau Gasol. *shivers*

OH DANG. I fail miserably. It's not even Jack harris - it's Louis Armstrong. Replace all mentions of Jack Harris by "Louis Armstrong", and replace Greg with someone who knows music.
by Greg Kumparak at 12:53 PM yesterday

They actually went back and corrected this is the live blog so that all the references are to Louis instead of Jack. But then they left this comment in. Weird.

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the WWDC 2010 keynote address. Please turn off all cell phones and PDAs"
by Greg Kumparak at 12:56 PM yesterday

What the fuck is a PDA?
True story: at work we were waiting for a meeting to start and killed five minutes trying to figure out what PDA stood for. Had to look it up in the end.

The lights are dimming.. which is good because then people won't see my applerection
by Greg Kumparak at 1:00 PM yesterday

Ok, I added that last part.

The crowd is, as usual, going nuts. We're going on about a minute and 15 seconds of applause now.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:02 PM yesterday

I always picture the crowd literally going nuts. Like someone just pulled an ax out of their laptop bag and chopped the guy next to him in half, while someone on fire runs past.

We've got a great conference for you this week. We've got over 5,200 attendees. People from 57 different countries. We sold out in 8 days.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:02 PM yesterday

Is selling out in 8 days really a huge feet?

"We wanted more people, but this is the biggest place we can get. Oh well!"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:02 PM yesterday

Psst, hey Steve, you're Apple. You can get whatever place you fucking want.

"It's really changing the way we experience the web, e-mail, photos, maps, video, you name it."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:03 PM yesterday

I really wish Steve would stop leading with "web" whenever he talks about the iPad. I'm sure the thing is awesome, but really how much can you improve on web browsing?

From a slide: "I was sitting in a cafe with my iPad, and i got a girl interested in me. Now that's what I call a magical device"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:04 PM yesterday

If this was just a little off the cuff comment I would consider it mildly douchey, but it was an actual slide. Amazing.
One of my friends and I have a running joke where every important moment in human history is the result of trying to get chicks. Every war was secretly started over a chick. Every invention was made for the purposes of getting chicks. Steve pretty much confirmed this theory.

He's perusing through some of his favorites; ebay, Pulse, an anatomy app, Avatar, field runners
by Greg Kumparak at 1:06 PM yesterday

It slays me that Pulse was pulled from the APP store the next day and then restored. With no explanation. Also it would have been great if while demonstrating the anatomy app Steve repeating pinch zoomed on the groin area.

He's showing another slide: "I earned more on sales of The Elements for iPad in the first day than from the past 5 years of Google ads on periodictable.com" - Theo Gray, Wolfram Associates

Is this really a fair comparison? A website showing the periodic table surrounded by ads verse a paid app. Whose clicking on Boron ads?

In the first 65 days, users have downloaded 5 million books, at an average of 2.5 books per iPad
by Greg Kumparak at 1:08 PM yesterday

I'm surprised there haven't been more complaints from iBook users about only getting half a book.

"One of the biggest requests we've gotten on the iPad: The ability to view PDFs"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:10 PM yesterday

Well fuck you all. You're not getting it.

"You can now view PDFs" (in iBooks)
by Greg Kumparak at 1:10 PM yesterday

Oh.

"I want to make something clear. We support two platforms at Apple."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:11 PM yesterday

"The first: Html5, a fully open, uncontrolled platform forged by widely respected standards bodies"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:11 PM yesterday

"The second platform we support: The App Store. We now support over 225,000 apps. It's the most vibrant app community on the planet"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:12 PM yesterday

Wouldn't it have been great if Jobs used the same parameters to describe that app store that he used for HTML5? Something like: "The second platform we support: The App Store, a fully closed, over-controlled platform forged by widely criticized overlords"

"95% of all of those apps are approved within 7 days"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:13 PM yesterday

And the other 5% write a bitchy blog post in the next 7 days.

"But what about the five percent that arent? Let me give you the three top reaons."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:13 PM yesterday

Please do.

#1: The app doesnt function as advertise. You say it does this, it does this.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:13 PM yesterday

#2: The use of private APIs. "Why can't they use Private APIs? Because when we change the OS, those APIs might change. If half of the customers apps break, they wont be happy customers"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:13 PM yesterday

The third reason: The app crashes.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:14 PM yesterday

It's a little scary how badly Jobs is missing/ignoring the issue here. No one is complaining when their app gets rejected for one of those reasons. Point me to a post where an app dev complains that his app was rejected because it crashed. The complaints are: 1) Lack of communication. Maybe they were rejected because of one of these issues, but there wasn't an explanation. 2) Apple's draconian rules about the type of app.
Hey Jobs, which of these three reasons caused Pulse to get pulled?

"Sometimes when you read some of these articles, you might think something else is going on."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:14 PM yesterday

Uh yeah...the actual things people are complaining about.

"We launched the ebay application on the iPhone last year - 10 million downloads. It did 600 million of volume in its first years. Its going to do 1.5 billion to 2 billion this year" - eBay
by Greg Kumparak at 1:15 PM yesterday

Volume of what? Cash? If eBay is making $1.5-$2 billion just from it's iPhone app...HOLY FUCK!

Netflix on the iPhone!
by Greg Kumparak at 1:15 PM yesterday

Now we're getting to the good stuff.

Next up on stage: Zynga.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:18 PM yesterday

And just like that the good stuff is gone.
If I ever wrote a book of things people do that make me want to punch them in the face it would be like 500 pages. Playing Farmville in public on their iPhone just jumped to page 1.

Today we're introducing: Farming for the iPhone .. (light audience claps)
by Greg Kumparak at 1:18 PM yesterday

On the bright side some lives were saved as the audience is no longer going nuts. They all put their axes away.

Confirmed: Farmville for the iPhone
by Greg Kumparak at 1:19 PM yesterday

Oh please let if have full integration with Facebook so that I don't have to manage two separate farms. I mean I'll still do that if I have to.

You'll have access to your same farm, and your same friends as on Facebook; it's not a separate set-up.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:22 PM yesterday

YES!

"This is just the beginning. You can all start rocking out today. Guitar hero is available on the app store right now, for 2.99"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:25 PM yesterday

And let me guess: Additional tracks will be available for $.99 and you can't move over all the tracks you've already bought for Xbox. Apple is the king of getting people to pay for the same content twice. Like how you had to pay to "upgrade" DRM'd music you ALREADY BOUGHT if you wanted the DRM free version when the iTunes store went DRM free.

Steve: He was playing that in real time! That's so cool!
by Greg Kumparak at 1:26 PM yesterday

What other option is there beside "real time"? Turn based?

Steve: Just last week, we passed 5 BILLION downloads in the app store.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:26 PM yesterday

STeve: This next thing, however, is my favorite thing:
by Greg Kumparak at 1:26 PM yesterday

"As you know, 70% of our revenue goes to developers. How much have we paid? That 70%?"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:26 PM yesterday

"Just a few days ago, we passed 1 billion dollars."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:26 PM yesterday

Doing the math...That's 1.43 billion total with Apple keeping 430 million for themselves. App store opened in what 2007? That's 143 million/year give or take a few million. Don't get me wrong that's a shit load of cash, but didn't you think the number was higher? Ask your tech savvy friends what Apple's share from the app store is per year. I would have guessed like $500 mil/year.

"There have been a lot of studies, market statistics, all that floating around. Some of them are okay. Some of them are questionable."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:28 PM yesterday

"I'd like to share one that just came out from nielson. They asked: 'Whats the market share in the US?'
by Greg Kumparak at 1:28 PM yesterday

RIM: 35%,iPhone: 28%, Windows, 19%, Android 9%, other 9%
by Greg Kumparak at 1:28 PM yesterday

Steve highlights that the iPhone's share is 3x that of Android
by Greg Kumparak at 1:29 PM yesterday

Not sure why he's picking on Android here. "Other" had 9% as well. Why don't you call them out Jobs? Other always get a free pass.  I really should look into getting a device running Other OS.

"For 2010... We're gonna take the biggest leap since the original iPhone."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:30 PM yesterday

The first major feature: An all new design.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:31 PM yesterday

It does look slick.

Steve: "Now.. a lot of you have already seen this"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:31 PM yesterday

Oh shit, Steve made a joke. Someone in the audience is going to die.

The audience goes NUTS
by Greg Kumparak at 1:31 PM yesterday

Yup, some dude with an iPad just got impaled with a scythe. I don't know how that thing even got past security.

Steve: Glass on the front and rear
by Greg Kumparak at 1:31 PM yesterday

Glass wouldn't exactly be my first choice for something I'm going to be carrying in a pocket near my crotch and holding next to my face, but I'll give it a chance. Continue.

9.3mm thick; 24mm thinner than the iPhone 3GS>
by Greg Kumparak at 1:32 PM yesterday

At some point we need to cut out this whole getting thinner thing right? It's getting hard enough to hold phones as is...just wait until there sized like index cards.

Camera + LED Flash on the Back
by Greg Kumparak at 1:33 PM yesterday

Does the 3GS really not have a flash? I'm too lazy to check.

Bottom: 30-pin connect, microphone
by Greg Kumparak at 1:33 PM yesterday

I was a little worried they weren't going to include the microphone. Still not sure about the whole putting it on the bottom thing. I guess we'll see how that turns out.

"Because there have been a few photos, people have been asking.. what's this?" (highlighting the small groove at the bottom of the iPhone"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:33 PM yesterday

Some have even said, "This doesn't seem like Apple!"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:33 PM yesterday

If you are someone who actually said that please do us all the courtesy of punching yourself in the face. If you were playing Farmville on your iPhone in a bar when you said it just leave your address and a time you'll be home in the comments.

To clarify: The outter rim of the case is the phone's antenna
by Greg Kumparak at 1:34 PM yesterday

Just what the iPhone needs: a stronger signal. AT&T's network just threw up all over itself.

Second big feature:
by Greg Kumparak at 1:35 PM yesterday

Retina display?
by Greg Kumparak at 1:35 PM yesterday

Kind of a poor name choice. My first thought was that is was some sort of retina scanner/eye tracking feature. Like it detected when my eye reached the bottom of a page and automatically scrolled. Wait...hang on while I file a patent for that....Ok, I'm back.

Steve: What's that?
by Greg Kumparak at 1:35 PM yesterday

Did Jobs actually say "What's that"? A bit condescending if you ask me.

Take the a normal display; multiple the pixel density by 4.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:36 PM yesterday

And then?

In other words, they've bumped up the resolution by 2x in each direction.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:36 PM yesterday

Oh ok. Cool I guess, but did we really need to call it retina display?

"The retina display has 326 pixels per inch. There's NEVER been a display like this in a phone."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:37 PM yesterday

"..But there's more than that. It turns out, theres a magic number right around 320 pixels that, when held [at phone distance], the human eye can't see anything higher"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:37 PM yesterday

"At 326 pixels per inch, we are comfortable OVER that limit"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:37 PM yesterday

By 6 pixels. or 2%.

Engineer: Mr Jobs, I'm happy to report that we've reached 320 pixels, which is the most a human can detect.
Jobs: I want 326.
Engineer: Sir, I'm not sure...
Jobs: GIVE ME MY EXTRA 6 PIXELS!!!!

Uh oh - The network just crashed mid presentation
by Greg Kumparak at 1:40 PM yesterday

Too many AT&T jokes...flooding brain...shutting down...

Steve flips back to the NY Times for one last attempt.. it begins to load
by Greg Kumparak at 1:42 PM yesterday

Audience: "Oh! Oh! Allmoooost"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:42 PM yesterday

It crashes.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:42 PM yesterday

I love the audience at Apple events. I wish I could hire them to watch me code all day. Matt's reloading the page. Audience: "Oh! Oh! Allmoooost". It crashes.

Steve to Scott: Scott, any suggestions?
by Greg Kumparak at 1:43 PM yesterday

And this was the last anyone has seen of poor Scott.

Someone in the audience: VERIZON!
by Greg Kumparak at 1:43 PM yesterday

Way too easy.

Steve: It has 78% as many pixels as the iPad! Right in the palm of your hand!
by Greg Kumparak at 1:44 PM yesterday

I never understood when a company knocks down one of their own products to pimp another one. It's like iPad is suddenly the less successful sibling. Hang on while I grab a Miller High Life. Ok ready: "You disgust me iPad. Your younger brother, iPhone 4, is like 1/4 the size of you but has virtually the same number of pixels. You're pathetic. Get out of my sight."

Steve: Existing apps look even better. All text and controls are rendering in the higher resolution, without anyone doing any work. If [devs] do a little work and throw in high-resolution artwork, it'll look stunning. "We suggest you do that."
by Greg Kumparak at 1:45 PM yesterday

And by "suggest" Jobs means "do it or else". And by "Existing apps" Jobs means re-package it as an HD version and charge for the upgrade.

7 hours of 3g talk, 6 hours of 3g browsing, 10 hrs of Wifi Browsing, 10 hrs of video, 300 hrs of standby
by Greg Kumparak at 1:47 PM yesterday

When did talking on a phone become more battery intensive then watching video?

Big feature #4: Gyroscope
by Greg Kumparak at 1:49 PM yesterday

The developers in the room all go nuts.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:49 PM yesterday

HOW THE FUCK DID SOMEONE GET A TREBUCHET IN HERE? Section 204 watch out! Oh god...they're all dead...

Steve: This is *perfect* for gaming
by Greg Kumparak at 1:49 PM yesterday

Huge mistake here by Apple. Adding the gyroscope complete negates the whole Android segmentation put down. Now whenever someone complains about Android versions being split between 1.6, 2.1 and 2.2 Android can counter with: "Gyroscope!"

Steve's playing Jenga, rotating in place to turn the jenga tower
by Greg Kumparak at 1:51 PM yesterday

Steve pulls the wrong piece, the tower falls. The audience: "Awwwwww!"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:51 PM yesterday

Here's how the whole gyroscope thing will play out:
One developer will make a kind of cool game that uses it. He'll sell a shit load of it to people who want to try out the gyroscope on their fancy new iPhone 4. After a week none of them will ever use it again, except to show off the gyroscope feature to their friends.
Meanwhile the developer will blog about how much loot and cash he stashin' and there will be a surge of gyroscope apps that will never sell. In 6 months Jobs will brag that there are over 50k gyroscope apps in the store and everyone will think it's huge success.

Confirmed: iMovie for iPhone!
by Greg Kumparak at 1:56 PM yesterday

Interesting...

Randy Ubillos, Chief Architect of Video applications is coming on stage to talk about iMove for the iPhone.
by Greg Kumparak at 1:57 PM yesterday

"Once you bring up the application, it lists all of your projects"
by Greg Kumparak at 1:57 PM yesterday

Is that really how you're going to lead into your 2 minutes of fame? It isn't possible to come up with a combination of words less inspiring then "Once you bring up the application, it lists all of your projects".

The audience goes crazy. [snipped]
by Greg Kumparak at 2:04 PM yesterday

WTF? RoboCop is here?!?! Oh shit he's just gunning people down indiscriminately. No ROBOCOP NO!!! You were supposed to be one of the good guys. WHY WHY???

He's.. asking us to turn off our laptops and wifi hot spots so we can watch the demo. We'll.. be back? Maybe. Oh god, should we do it? People are staring at us. PEER PRESSURE.
by Greg Kumparak at 2:05 PM yesterday

He's waiting for everyone to close their laptops. Seriously.
by Greg Kumparak at 2:06 PM yesterday

"I've got time."
by Greg Kumparak at 2:06 PM yesterday

If Jobs starts flicking the lights on and off I'll officially have flash backs to the 3rd grade.

He's demonstrating Folders, dragging one app onto another. It detects the category of the apps within, and automatically names the folder appropriately
by Greg Kumparak at 2:11 PM yesterday

This seems kind of annoying. Why can't I name the folders myself? What happens if I have a folder with mixed types such as games, apps and Twilight photos?

-Download the same book for all of your devices at no extra charge. "Download it to your iPad, download it to your iPhone. You only have to buy it once."
by Greg Kumparak at 2:17 PM yesterday

Well, once in addition to the time you bought it from some other platform. Cause we don't support that format.

Across all three stores (App stores, iTunes, iBooks), Apple has over 150 million credit cards "ready to buy your apps"
by Greg Kumparak at 2:21 PM yesterday

I know this is a developer conference, but doesn't that seem a bit cold? Replace "credit cards" with "customers" and it sounds 10x better.

"We've only been selling iAds for 8 weeks... I'd like to tell you some of the brands who will be advertising with us in the second half of this year"
by Greg Kumparak at 2:24 PM yesterday

Advertisers Apple has pulled on so far: Nissan, Unilever, Vivid Video, AT&T, Citi, Chanel, GE, Liberty Mutual, State Farm, Geico, Adobe, Campbell, Sears, PseudoCoder Freelance Developer, JC Penny, Target, Best Buy, Direct TV, BP, TBS, and Disney
by Greg Kumparak at 2:25 PM yesterday

See if you can pick out which are real and which I added.

He calls Jony Ive.. but it's a video call!
by Greg Kumparak at 2:32 PM yesterday

If I get killed because someone is distracted video chatting while driving and plows into me I'm going to be so pissed.

Confirmed: Video chatting on the iPhone to be called Face Time
by Greg Kumparak at 2:35 PM yesterday

"There is no set up. It works.. anywhere there is WiFi"
by Greg Kumparak at 2:35 PM yesterday

phew...just WiFi. Who will be the first to use Face Time connected to an HTC EVO using it's 3G/4G WiFi hotspot? Ready...Go!

Steve starts up a video demonstrating FaceTime; a mom and baby video chatting with a dad, a mom and dad streaming their daughter's graduation gown unveiling to her grandparents
by Greg Kumparak at 2:38 PM yesterday
Two friends chatting via sign language; the audience goes crazy
by Greg Kumparak at 2:38 PM yesterday

SIGN LANGUAGE! You won't believe this, but section 412 is entirely deaf people. And they just stood up completely dressed in Braveheart gear. FREEDOM! Section 413 didn't stand a chance.

"We're going to take all that away. Beginning tomorrow, we're going to make FaceTime an OPEN standard"
by Greg Kumparak at 2:40 PM yesterday

If there are FaceTime clients for all platforms then maybe this could be cool. But still a lot of questions: Like how do you dial someone over WiFi? I assume the calls themselves will be P2P, but something needs to act as central server for the connections. Is that going to be Apple?

I'm going to wrap it up here. The rest is pretty much a recap of what has already been said. Plus there's only like 3 people left in the audience. It's going to take weeks to match up all the body parts.